Draft Tarp Bailout Forms for the $700 Billion Dollar Troubled Asset Relief Program
NEWS - SUGGESTED TARP BAILOUT FORMS ARE NOW AVAILABLE
One of the first forms that Banking Lawyers across the nation and California in cities and areas such as San Diego, Orange County, Newport Beach, La Jolla, Anaheim, Los Angeles, Santa Barbara, and Palm Springs (not to mention Wall Street) will be asked to prepare and fill out by banking clients is likely to be called TARP 1, named after the Troubled Asset Relief Program just passed by Congress, so to assist these banking attorneys we have made available these draft forms.
TARP 1, we believe will probably look something like this:
U.S. Department of the Treasury1500 Pennsylvania Avenue NWWashington, DC 20220Attn: Hank Paulson
We at _____________ Financial Institution, qualify under provision ___ of the Troubled Asset Relief Program (TARP) as being a financial institution in the U.S. with mortgage based securities.
While no person in their right mind would now purchase these mortgage based securities, other than you fine individuals at the U.S. Treasury, and while these assets have a market value of absolutely nada on the open market, we hereby apply for their sale to the U.S. Treasury at the nominal price of $_____ Billion dollars. We guarantee that this amount of money will return us to financial health and stability and keep us from filing bankruptcy.
Please have the U.S. Treasury wire this amount forthwith to Acct. # ______________________, Routing # _______________________ at our main branch so it does not become necessary for us to be unable to issue Christmas bonuses to the executives of our fine American institution or to cancel our annual retreat to the Cayman Islands.
We guarantee that no foreign government owns more than 70% of our common or preferred stock and we promise to vote Republican in the next election.
Sincerely,
CFO__________ Financial Institution
We expect TARP 2, for financial institutions who need to ask for more money, to look like this:
U.S. Department of the Treasury1500 Pennsylvania Avenue NWWashington, DC 20220Attn: Hank Paulson
We at _____________ Financial Institution, qualify under provision ___ of the Troubled Asset Relief Program (TARP) as being a financial institution in the U.S. with mortgage based securities. The former CFO of our company is no longer with us, having been ejected from our Board of Directors.
While no person in their right mind would now purchase these additional mortgage based securities our former CFO failed to tell us about, other than you fine individuals at the U.S. Treasury, and while these assets have a market value of absolutely nada on the open market, we hereby apply for their sale to the U.S. Treasury at the nominal price of $_____ Billion dollars. Although we were wrong the last time we guaranteed the billions of dollars you gave us would return us to financial health and stability, we guarantee that this amount of money will almost certainly keep us from filing bankruptcy.
Please have the U.S. Treasury wire this amount forthwith to Acct. # ______________________, Routing # _______________________ at our main branch so we can afford to fly our executives back from their annual retreat in the Cayman Islands.We guarantee that no foreign government owns more than 90% of our common or preferred stock and we promise to vote Democrat in the next election.
Sincerely,
New CFO__________ Financial Institution.
If you have a banking, corporate or financial legal issue in Irvine, Orange County, La Jolla, San Diego, in the Inland Empire, Los Angeles, Palm Springs or anywhere in Southern California, we have the knowledge and resources to be your Newport Beach Banking Lawyer and your San Diego Banking Attorney. Be sure to hire a California law firm with banking, corporate and financial lawyers who can serve areas such as Los Angeles, Palm Springs, Palm Desert, Anaheim, Irvine, Newport Beach, Carlsbad, Corona del Mar, Laguna Beach, Huntington Beach, Santa Ana, Rancho Cucamonga, Ontario, Fullerton, Del Mar, San Diego, Orange County, San Luis Obispo, Buena Park, La Jolla, Oxnard, Ventura, La Quinta, and Santa Barbara so you are properly represented and get the compensation you deserve.
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